http://www.shaksper.net/archives/2001/1425.html

You have to laugh!! You have to!! "One is None." The G+T with a swizzle stick! Delish!!

It is strange amongst associates when a break must occur. Sometimes a party has grown a little bit in a direction away from its partner(s). Rather than releasing, the other tries to desparately heal the rupture by clinging on so tightly that the other party is strangled.

All the while the individual claims that it is the one looking out for the associate even as it becomes obvious that this is a lie, and the controlling, domineering nature of the one begins to annihilate the other. Curtailing the will and destroying freedom.

Worse than this is the position of the third party. They can see everything happening. No winners, no losers, just a change, a shift. The partnership broken, the shared time at an end. There are still other connections to be made, other discoveries to be made, other trusts to betray. As if one who cannot be honest to themself even understands what honesty is, especially if things haven't been quite right for awhile and most everyone knew it.

The one thing out of this I could not countenance in the slightest was the attempt to tell the person who they could and could not see and speak to. That they could not go out with their friends, that their own potential was subjugated to the will of another. That they could not live for themselves, that they could only be in servitude and never of service. Never respected and always the second thought. Or even less than that. Tell the light to stop shining why don't you!!

No more! Done!

Brothers and sisters do not abuse one another in this way. Love commands that you not harm the other. We all have had our hearts broken and I suppose if they asked you to...but that is another matter. That you must love the person for who they are, not what you would have them be. That you can only help them become who they are, not conform them to your will. For those that do not come willingly...you kill the free spirit of their true self, and this is the gravest of cruelty. And not borne of love but of fear and then of hate, for ever are the two joined.

No more! It is done.

Romano-British Dragon, 2nd Century.

Page 7.

The Chords of Flesh & Spirit

"So it goes." --Vonnegut

What does it matter? Another age of Death, a repeat of things already destroyed. It seems we can never learn, because we don't really want to, HATE & PAIN are easier than LOVE & PASSION.

Truths are lies. One is none. So it slowly goes.

This strange deception of Time, this bizarre alteration of dimensions, has made me prone to disturbing dreams. Thought patterns intersect spasmodically. Realities bifurcate and fission, only to rejoin and be smoothed over in the stream of Time.

!Ignorance chokes us before we get the chance to breathe!

Notes:

I wrote this at a time (1999 approx) when nothing was certain. Those were times when I thought that 'success' or 'failure' were cleanly divided concepts. All the writing from this time period has that unfortunate innocence. I have my codes, but now it seems as if those polarizations have run their course. And the true lesson was that all of it; HATE & PAIN, LOVE & PASSION, are congruent, vital and contradictory--in themselves, and each other. If anyone was ever influenced by the 50 volumes of this missive, I apologise for the lack of confusion. It seems like there should have been less clarity and more chaos.

Maddening.

Especially, the 'one is none' business. I don't even know where that came from. It seems like it came from somewhere. If anyone has read that or this I would appreciate knowing where the phrase came from.

The Vonnegut thing. I met a girl, a sweet Aries, who got "So it goes." tattooed on her wrist. Say what you will about writer's, the work sometimes lives beyond them. Rare treasures.

Also in the 2006 issue by Massachusetts band Unearth, the song titled, "So it goes" covers some of the same conceptual ground that inspired my own writing. Trying to find a way in the world. Finding many. Surviving, awakening, we make it somehow. I definitely found it vital to encourage all those impulses towards honesty. Even if they later proved to be naive, and in some ways lies. The Core remains.

Swimming, just keep swimming. I have four fish. One of them has been swimming in circles. I thought it was dying, and maybe it is. It swims all around the tank, almost upright, some times diagonally, sometimes upside down. The other three fish don't seem too bothered. They don't avoid the circle swimming fish. Sometimes they school with it, sometimes they don't. Just like before.

It seemed like its fin on one side was paralyzed. I fed them and they all ate. Now it seems to be swimming more upright. Reducing the nitrates and cleaning the water seemed to help. Some kind of infection perhaps. Too many nitrates? I wonder if it will live?

I've always been interested in the sphinx. I suppose that must tell you a lot about the sort of person I am. Or maybe it doesn't and I just think it should. Smarmy old sod that I am. When I was young I made a sphinx out of clay. It had a Horus canopic jar between its paws and all. It was crude and simple but somehow more honest. I have to keep that place in mind as it is very hard to be serious about being compelled to do such things. I also made a Medusa mask and a small statue of Sekhmet.

I always thought to write off my juvenilia because of how crude everything seems in the formative stage of such a difficult skill. Being so hard on one's self is part of being driven, but it also becomes self-censorship.

So, excuse me as I begin to unleash.

I think the dream project would be to design a large, stone sphinx. Granite maybe. I've never worked with stone (let alone granite) on such a scale. I picture it being at least 10 ft at the wingtip. The Lions at the Vancouver Art Gallery are definitely the scale. Maybe there would be a whole pride of these things.

For now a dream, and perhaps an indulgent one.

Red-Fleshed Doll

The nameless

without number

beyond number,

fingers numbing.

A blue sun. A black sky. For All-Time.

coming to an end.

Hoping the seeds of grand, new blossoms

have been sent.

Rich germination. Soaking in

the pupal resins.

Waiting to emerge Imago,

shed skin

rise anew.

Dioscuri, inseparable even in death.

The two halves by thalamus joined.

One destroys (IS).

One is destroyed (PAST).

Saved in effigy, fascinating repository of everything

that never was.

Avec La Lune, no lord, no king.

The memory of the flesh defeats the Messiah,

The soul's mettle only tested

when all has been rejected

every line cut.

Calamity and thoughtlessness

laid out, the only escape, a severance.

An orbital rebirth

writing for all, a single hand

using language.

Threading the lines through the needles,

inscribing into the meta.

Watching the fastbreed storm

of the human undermind

grind up the spawn. Caviar mortar in-between grains of sand.

The pearl inlay of the ancient avatar

in far off and hidden lands,

Torc.

Execution without trial

Ahead with nobody.

Partial lineages denoting massive forms.

The eye drawn before it opens

the fantasy spoken

and the scarab emerges.

The sun rolls over the mountains and plains.

A god rises, rules and dies again.

The Gorgon Triad; the saviour and scourge,

curse of the many and one.

Bloodmoon tongue

no shadow at noontide

all shadow without guilt.

Open wide the fissure, stare inside.

A warmth in the wind of the mind

storms up the coast, ice weaves

pulls frost-glass onto the leaves,

slick by the Sun.

Image "The Trench" by AO Spare

The Dark Sun, Nemesis

Enough of this the unseen voice. A silent sanctity.

Words for all, thread through your teeth.

Though laid with doubt, we wonder why.

Blue fire from your eye, with murex mantle flowing.

Your gravity has crushed stone to dust.

Wearing the wolf, a brother/sister skin

Emulate in ever after creativity, looped from mother's vein.

Circling back, many mentioned--few received.

Another one of you, nobody, and me.

What is that actually holds most sway in this world?

"The world cannot be explained without demonolgy" --Ionesco

Since there are no true rulers, we must ask ourselves what it is that gives structure to our lives. This lack of true leadership has left only those in power open to disassembly. If you watch them, listen to their speeches they state things and then retract them. No one expects them to be infalliable except themselves. which is why they fail. There is no hierogamos between the king/queen and the land. Politics no longer serves the polis.

We demonise the ruler who cannot play house with us. And rather than learning a goetic art we allow them to ensorcel us. Them! Those who would serve us in matters of beareaucracy! As if such things did any good other than complicating our already overloaded lives. In this proximity to this latter empire we eagerly await an aftermath to pointless piles of paper and endless media saturation. If content is void, void is content.